This week lectures started. WOW. All my beliefs, views and ideas of God has totally been turned around. Kevin Norris this week is preaching on The Character and Nature of God. Because so often, as Christians we attempt to teach others about God when in fact we actually have no idea of who God is ourselves. To me, God has always just been this big, powerful creator, whom I can't have a human like relationship with. Well, I learnt tonight that God is much more than that he is a husband, a lover and a romancer.
"And now heres what Im going to do I'm going to start all over again. I'm going to take her back into the wilderness where we had our first date and Ill court her. Ill give her bouqets of roses. Ill turn heartbrak valley into acres of hope. She'll respond as she did as a young girl" Hosea 2:14.
I have finally learned what it actually means to be the bride of Christ and how i can have a human like relationship with God, he has become more real to me. Kevin Norris used analogies of a husband and a wife to communicate the idea of a loving relationship we can have with God. God is so passionate about me, i read in Song of Songs "You've captured my heart dear friend. You looked at me and i fell in love. one look my way and I was hopelessly in love! How beautiful your love dear dear friends far more pleasing than a fine rare wine your fragerance more exotic than spices".
This realisation made me feel so angry at myself, how I have been so angry at God and have rejected him, to God, it must feel like a wife rejecting her husband, turning her back on him. And, God feels abandoment and rejection. I want to read the Bible like a personal love letter. I want to be so passionate about God the way I have been with human relationships I have had.
I also learned that Marriage is not forever, husband and wife part when they die. Its fleeting it only lasts a short lifetime. Whereas Jesus' love for me is unchanging and forever, and whether I am on this earth or not he will always be walking with me. If i want to discover how much I love Jesus, and work towards making him my number one passion , i need to concentrate on how much he loves me.
Kevin Norris used the metaphor of our relationship with Jesus, being like the fairytale Cinderella. Like Cinderella, we are wretched and poor and weak, and God is our prince, desperate to seek and find us and make us his bride. Cinderella funnily reflects Gods story.
I want God so desperatley to be the centre of my life, my only one desire the purpose for my living.
Kevin also said, that when bad things happen in our lives, Christians and even our non christian friends jump at the chance of saying " all things happen for a reason" or "that must of been part of Gods plan"... okay, this is the most hurtful thing you could of said to me when i was experiencing difficulties. Because if that argument stands, then this implies a hateful, psychopathic God. His not the kind of God that makes husbands walk away from their wives, his not the kind of God who allows children to be raped, his not the kind of God who allows murders to happen and he is definately not the God who caused my heartbreak. Yes, he wants to discipline and stretch us, but he will do this in a loving and gentle way.
In the lords prayer we say "Let your will be done on earth as it is done in heaven"
we pray this as christians, why would we pray for Gods will to be done, if it had already been done.
I also believe that we live in a fallen world, there is evil in the world. And when bad things happen, there is not always a supernatural spiritual reason for it happening, sometimes bad things just happen, sometimes people just make bad decisions and sometimes people make mistakes. God is not in control of everything. Well he is in some ways, he is all powerful. But he is a God of free love, he gave us free will so we can choose to love him out of our own choice and therefore its not forced or fake.
Theres so much more to say !
I will write some more soon !
P.s. We had dance auditions today, o mann. I did some dramatic thing. I was so nervous my timing was all out and then I fell over and then I ran out crying and then I ran out ! o MANNN!
over the top aye?! But we have been judged and put into groups, i love my group. We have to choreograph a dance for tomorrows dance lesson, ours is so good! :D.
We had work out this morning at 6 am! ive never been so tired, i fell asleep in my lecture and just pretended to be praying and super spirtual! ha ha .
Missing home !
xxxxxx
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Wow Esther you are learning so much. We are all on a journey with God our life here on earth is to get to know him and serve him better in our daily lives and to experience his transforming power at work in us on the lives of others. Your testimony challenges me to think - what have I learnt about God in my life today and how has my relationship moved forward.
ReplyDeleteThe question about why does God allow suffereing came up in our Alpha group last night. Nicky Gumbel had described how a close friend and christian had dies at the age of 42 leaving 6 children. He died whilst playing squash with Nicky Gumbel. Nicky Gumbel prayed and prayed for God to heal this man as he lay dying on the floor but he wasnt healed he died. Nicky Gumbel said he had lots of questions he wanted to ask God and his faith was rocked. But he felt God say there was a choice give up your belief in me because you dont understand or carrying on believing and trusting in me even though you don't understand. Obviously Nicky Gumbel chose to carry on trusting and believing and even today he says that he doesnt understand that situation but he has witnessed the power of God in his own and others lives on a daily basis. 'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding and He will make strainght your path. Prov 3
Your are right when you say we live in a fallen world where the innocent suffer at the hands of others sin and we too sin and the consequences cause suffering in the lives of those around us. But praise God that he is faithful, gracious and able to redeem even the most impossible and difficult situations. Nicky Gumbel went on to recount a stories of reconcilaitaion between people despite all sorts of heartbreak. He says that he keeps a prayer diary and ticks off answered prayer and there are more ticks than not. In our small group people were wrestling with the idea that there could be people starving in the world - why doesnt God intervene but as we talked many in the group were able to share the ways that God had intervened. There are so many testimonies out there of Gods goodness and provision.
I think its an answer to prayer that you are finding God in a new and deeper way. Your plea yesterday - I am so desperate for Him - God says that He will be found by those who search Him with all their heart.
Thank you for sharing all of that Est - It helps my faith to grow when I hear your story of what God is doing in your life.
I am pleased you are enjoying the dance - I am sure they will forgive you for your dramatic exit - Perhaps they will put it down to homesickness or being English!!The main thing is that you are free to enjoy the dance and learn from others
I love you so much - cant wait to hear your next news.
Mumxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thank you for that Esther. It was so thought provoking. It's the sort of thing we discuss in our homegroup so if it's ok with you I might share it with them.
ReplyDeleteGod bless, Barbara xx
Hi Esther
ReplyDeleteI have not read your blog for a while but i was in tears after reading them. Your blog was so moving and so amazing i am so happy for you. I had a good time in Las Vegas thanks for asking there was so much to do out there but i missed the girls so much. I felt bad cause Hannah got chicken pox she is covered. You are so beautiful inside and out Love you so much Your missed loads enjoy yourself hun xxxxxx.