Mount Tamborine

Hey all, just arrived "home" in Mitchelton around 6 pm this evening.
This weekend has been overwhelming, stretching and stripping.
The purpose of this weekend was to share our testimonies within our schools. I know exactly what my testimony is, what the most influential moment in my life is and how that moment has made me run to God. But, confronting that moment and sharing it with all these strangers has been so difficult. There is around 40 us on my school, and we all travelled around an hour and a half to Mount Tamborine on Saturday night to share all our messy lives with each other. I was so scared and nervous mostly about my voice not being barely audiable because of the tears I knew I was going to shed.
The photos I took of Mount Tamborine, really does not justify the beauty of it. Its seriously amazing. I have never seen anything like that in my life. At that moment I wish i could of transported all the people I loved to that very place so they could experience what I was seeing. I have seen so many tropcial beautiful birds. Just parrots sitting on the window ledge. Their beauty is indescribable.
Saturday Morning , I woke up feeling like I was going to throw up. The memories of what has happened over the past few months flooded back so strong. People shared their testimonies one after the other, people's stories were breath taking. The way their lives have been so affected, and the hurt and the pain, yet still they are so strong and passionate for God. It made me so angry at God even more. Honestly i do have a lot of issues with the ideas of punishment, suffering and trials.
I tried avoiding sharing mine, until after lunch. When I decided, that I wanted to put my full attention in to other peoples testimonies rather than worrying about my own while they were saying theirs. So, in the afternoon I worked up the courage to say what has happened. Yes, i did cry A LOT. More than I thought I was planning on. I was totally honest with people, which is the first time I have been with sharing my testimony. I didn't sugar coat it, or pretend to be something I was not. I am angry with God at the moment and I have no idea why I am hurting so much, or when the pain will stop. There is so many questions I have unanswered. I feel so ugly, alone and rejected and I look in the mirror now and I cannot see anything beautiful about myself. I wish i could say there was a super spiritul reason why I want to be here, but theres not. People have given me words and pictures why I should be in Australia but I can't. I just know that I can't remain in Kent. I am running away, but I'm confident I am running in to the arms of God. I feel like God has been nagging at me that I should sacrifice and give up what I want for him, but I just can't let go at the moment. I'm still in love with those desires, but I so badly want to be obiedient and give those passions up for God. I'm looking forward to the day that arrives.

I felt a sense of relief and freedom after I said my testimony. I know I have such a long way to get to the place of acceptance and love in life, but I feel as if that was the first step. I feel so rejected and abandoned at the moment, but I know God is there. I may not be able to hear him so strongly at the moment, or picture him any more but I know he is, in that small quiet place.

I had some prayer afterwards, and it was amazing. After this weekend, i see my school friends in such a different perspective. Their lives are amazing. I love them all so much and thats not just on the surface, I really do.
The journey home today was hilerious, we were in a really cool vintageyyy looking mini bus, and we was all singing and dancing and eating so many loaves of bread. I have eaten so much today , seriously, tim tams one after the other. So good. Some of us went to the dance studio tonight and had a dance party. Me and Liz were tribal dancing! pure jokes.

We have to be up at 6 tomorrow, for work out ! :(
o mannn.. I suppose its a good job ! :)
I love you mummy I miss you so much , so many times ive been praying for you and realising how much I have not appreciated you as a mum. Hearing peoples testimonies over the weekend and how terrible their upbringings were makes me feel so blessed, that i have great supportive parents. I love you both and I cannot wait to see you soon. I hope God keeps you safe! He is certainly keeps me safe, i know he has been holding me every day!
est xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx