LAST EVER BLOG ... ever....... ever. october 18th 2009- may 1st 2010

Time feels like a blink of an eye but a lifetime.
Just four more days and I will be a graduate and what seems like a dream now, will become my reality.
I cannot believe its over. Literally. cannot. believe. it.
I am sick of the question "so how was it all???".... There is not one sentence that could sum the past 7 months up in one. I think if i had to create my own personal statement to conclude it all it would be: freedom of choice.
Choosing to come to Australia was the best decision I have ever made. Not only has my life been tipped upside down, and my values, opinions, thoughts, mind and heart transformed and renewed. But I have learned so many practical lessons, from knowing that LOVE is a choice and taking that knowledge in to every future relationship I have, to know how to sweep a kitchen floor. There is so many life teachings that will stick to my heart forever. The journey has been all over the place, but its so evident God's faithfulness towards me.
I remember sharing my testimony during the first weekend at Mount Tamborine, with a circle full of strangers at the time. I think i said something like "I blame God for everything bad that has happened in my life... blah blah", even the most simple things like missing an episode of Holyoaks or the huge things like people leaving. I feel so secure and strong knowing that suffering is neither from God or the enemy, both are blameless, its just a result of our choices (which of course can be influenced by the enemy) But when I look over my life, God has brought so much goodness from such dirt. He is always seeking the highest and best for me.
Today I have been thinking about my life as a whole, and that God has always been in it. He has always been talking to me and pursuing me , I was just ignoring him.
Since I knew the difference between Christian and non Christian's , I have been praying continually throughout my life for Christian friends. I would be frustrated when God never provided this simple need. But he was not going to settle giving me a labelled "Christian" for a friend, but he has exceeded my expectations and took me to AUSTRALIA and gave me friends that know the deepest and darkest parts of my life, who have walked through hell and back with me. Yeah.. okay , these friends do live half way across the world, but I know as cheesy as this makes me cringe writing it ... its a love that will exist always. I have such a strong faith that God will put people in my life who will keep my beliefs accountable and pour wisdom and love in to my life.
Or, I remember when I was younger like any other little girl, I pictured myself living the high life in America, with my best friend. It seems like a flimsy fantasy but its a testimony that God provides my hearts every desire, he provides the money, when there is none ( its true God's bank account never runs dry) and is taking me all the way to Texas in January.
I think I know what is best for myself, but he is my Dad and he really KNOWS what is best for me. It's never in my own timing and sometimes it can feel painful and look a lot different to how I expected things to look.. But I am hanging on to the dreams he has promised me for my future, and I will do so when I am at home, moving away from a Christian community of 300 to just myself in my room, those promises, will probably just sound like words in a few days but I have bound these promises around my heart.

The last couple of days, God has revealed to me something, it really put to test my revelations, and what I have been nonchalantly speaking out everyday in to painful action. Through this experience, I have realised that God will never give me anything that I cannot bear. He knows me through and through , and I believe If I had discovered this information at the beginning of DTS, I do not think I would react the same way as I have done this past week, I still do not think I would of coped well with this even a month ago. God makes everything easy for me in his timing and I know I cannot be OVERCOMED.

I am SCARED about returning home. Probably the majority of people will not care about my journey or process, and most questions I will be asked will be something like "How was the weather?" or "What were the guys like?".
I do have fresh eyes and a better perspective on life, and most people are just the same as I left them. I built up an expectation in my mind that everything was going to be transformed and different when I get back, but I am just building myself up for disappointment.
Nevertheless, I am so excited to see my family and my friends. To put into action what I have learned and share with others... if they want to hear or not.
I think, I am just bipolar as usual.
The last few days , I am so quiet I just hibernate in my room, processing every thought, and other days I am crying if someone says "goodmorning". I still remember the specifics of that morning when I left my mum at the airport, where has the months gone?!!?!?!
BEST 7 MONTHS OF MY LIFE.
There is nothing I regret . There is nothing I would alter or change. Everything is perfect.
I will miss waking up every morning with a room , full of noise and laughter. Every night here is like having a sleepover with your best friends.
I will miss having my friends encourage and support me every day, and intercede in to my life 24/////////7.
I LOVE DTS.
DO ONE.
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I cannot wait for my life to begin. This is not the end, but just a foundation, a spring board, for me to jump head first in to the most exciting adventure ever.



Esther Samme.