Time feels like a blink of an eye but a lifetime.
Just four more days and I will be a graduate and what seems like a dream now, will become my reality.
I cannot believe its over. Literally. cannot. believe. it.
I am sick of the question "so how was it all???".... There is not one sentence that could sum the past 7 months up in one. I think if i had to create my own personal statement to conclude it all it would be: freedom of choice.
Choosing to come to Australia was the best decision I have ever made. Not only has my life been tipped upside down, and my values, opinions, thoughts, mind and heart transformed and renewed. But I have learned so many practical lessons, from knowing that LOVE is a choice and taking that knowledge in to every future relationship I have, to know how to sweep a kitchen floor. There is so many life teachings that will stick to my heart forever. The journey has been all over the place, but its so evident God's faithfulness towards me.
I remember sharing my testimony during the first weekend at Mount Tamborine, with a circle full of strangers at the time. I think i said something like "I blame God for everything bad that has happened in my life... blah blah", even the most simple things like missing an episode of Holyoaks or the huge things like people leaving. I feel so secure and strong knowing that suffering is neither from God or the enemy, both are blameless, its just a result of our choices (which of course can be influenced by the enemy) But when I look over my life, God has brought so much goodness from such dirt. He is always seeking the highest and best for me.
Today I have been thinking about my life as a whole, and that God has always been in it. He has always been talking to me and pursuing me , I was just ignoring him.
Since I knew the difference between Christian and non Christian's , I have been praying continually throughout my life for Christian friends. I would be frustrated when God never provided this simple need. But he was not going to settle giving me a labelled "Christian" for a friend, but he has exceeded my expectations and took me to AUSTRALIA and gave me friends that know the deepest and darkest parts of my life, who have walked through hell and back with me. Yeah.. okay , these friends do live half way across the world, but I know as cheesy as this makes me cringe writing it ... its a love that will exist always. I have such a strong faith that God will put people in my life who will keep my beliefs accountable and pour wisdom and love in to my life.
Or, I remember when I was younger like any other little girl, I pictured myself living the high life in America, with my best friend. It seems like a flimsy fantasy but its a testimony that God provides my hearts every desire, he provides the money, when there is none ( its true God's bank account never runs dry) and is taking me all the way to Texas in January.
I think I know what is best for myself, but he is my Dad and he really KNOWS what is best for me. It's never in my own timing and sometimes it can feel painful and look a lot different to how I expected things to look.. But I am hanging on to the dreams he has promised me for my future, and I will do so when I am at home, moving away from a Christian community of 300 to just myself in my room, those promises, will probably just sound like words in a few days but I have bound these promises around my heart.
The last couple of days, God has revealed to me something, it really put to test my revelations, and what I have been nonchalantly speaking out everyday in to painful action. Through this experience, I have realised that God will never give me anything that I cannot bear. He knows me through and through , and I believe If I had discovered this information at the beginning of DTS, I do not think I would react the same way as I have done this past week, I still do not think I would of coped well with this even a month ago. God makes everything easy for me in his timing and I know I cannot be OVERCOMED.
I am SCARED about returning home. Probably the majority of people will not care about my journey or process, and most questions I will be asked will be something like "How was the weather?" or "What were the guys like?".
I do have fresh eyes and a better perspective on life, and most people are just the same as I left them. I built up an expectation in my mind that everything was going to be transformed and different when I get back, but I am just building myself up for disappointment.
Nevertheless, I am so excited to see my family and my friends. To put into action what I have learned and share with others... if they want to hear or not.
I think, I am just bipolar as usual.
The last few days , I am so quiet I just hibernate in my room, processing every thought, and other days I am crying if someone says "goodmorning". I still remember the specifics of that morning when I left my mum at the airport, where has the months gone?!!?!?!
BEST 7 MONTHS OF MY LIFE.
There is nothing I regret . There is nothing I would alter or change. Everything is perfect.
I will miss waking up every morning with a room , full of noise and laughter. Every night here is like having a sleepover with your best friends.
I will miss having my friends encourage and support me every day, and intercede in to my life 24/////////7.
I LOVE DTS.
DO ONE.
free advertising here.
I cannot wait for my life to begin. This is not the end, but just a foundation, a spring board, for me to jump head first in to the most exciting adventure ever.
Esther Samme.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
goodbye africa hello australia
So, I have finally arrived back to my beautiful home in Australia.
The transition from Africa to Australia was surprisingly hard for me , I thought I was an adaptable person, clearly not. In Africa, I imagined going back to the base so much that I had created so many expectations in my mind of what things would be like - and of course things were completely different . Two new schools have begun while we was away , so there all staying in our old rooms , sleeping in our beds and eating our food. I'm just slightly territorial and tribal when it comes to my school...oops. Only kidding , the other schools are interesting and we my school is worshiping with them tomorrow night, so it will be cool to minister to them and get to know their hearts.
Firstly: culture shock. Being objectified and looked over and over again with 'have sex with me eyes' for two months really did disturb my mind, to come back in to a western culture and not to be on guard about where I walk or who I smile at, is something I take for granted. It really is a pleasure to smile at a stranger on the road.
I feel completely useless and inattentive being back in Australia with no church to visit daily , or some programme to perform. While in Africa I craved my own freedom to be independent , but now, I am finding it odd to be myself and with so much free time.
The first few days back in OZ, was challenging for me, I was SOOOOO emotionally sporadic, crying all the time and then extremely hyper the next... I think it was just the drastic change from African culture and the bubble of my team with the little connection I had from the outside world.
I miss Africa so much . I miss the Tabernacle of Praise Church , their lifestyle was a personal testimony for me that you do not have to do a DTS or be part of YWAM to be so on fire for God. Their love for God overflows in to their actions, they are so full of life. Its such an inspiring church to be part of , that they are not content with just being comfortable in religion and sitting in church on a Sunday but they want to see God's kingdom come. I will miss the hospitality of Africa , that they will invite you in to their house as if you were their family and feed you till your belly's full. I will miss the children of Leonsdale , who tangled up my hair every time I saw them. I will never forget the love they lavished on me and how I will never understand the impact I had on their lives.
Our debrief in Africa was amazing , we stayed in the artistic little beach town of Muzemburg in a hostel. I am so thankful for my outreach, when remember all the amazing moments I had, and all the miracles that happened, I would not of had it any other way, it was thee most perfect place I could of chosen for outreach. I do not have one single complaint. My leaders were amazing and so much more- the fact that they let us control our own outreach by doing 'BOM' groups was such an opportunity to put our faith in to operation. My favourite part of being in south Africa was the times i watched my friends walk out in who they are in Christ. Each one of them transformed so much , its as if I am meeting them all for them first time. The last night we we decided to worship and we were all going a bit psychotic on the spirit , there was so much faith in the room that we decided to put that to test . So, my leader Nick was explaining to us that once he heard that in a church called bethel in America its pretty famous I think , in one crazy worship session, things started getting random stuff stuck to the walls, like chairs and hammers, we had such an urge of faith come over us, that we craved to see if we could do the same thing so we put a penny up on the wall and we declared as silly as it sounds 'this penny will stick on the wall' and it did , there was no glue NOTHING, we tried it with other money but it did'nt work. SICCCCCCCCCCKKKK. This DOES not mean that we base our faith on miracles, but it also proves that God cannot be put in a box. Its something I am trying to wrap my head around that there is so much happening in the spiritual than I know and that God is bigger than I can ever imagine.
Reuniting with my babies was amazing , I will NEVER forget the moment I saw Claire again it was so breathtaking to see the change in her life shining off her face. Japan and India team were back already , so we were welcomed with lots of excitement and hugs. I LOVE THEM SO FREAKIN MUCH.
I believe my most significant revelation in my life was, knowing that I always have the choice.
CHOICE.
Its amazing - we are freely given it in every moment, every circumstance, every day. I had the choice on outreach to walk out in my flesh , tiredness, complaining, frustration, nostalgia, or I could walk out in my spirit , beautiful, powerful, strong. The world throws painful sometimes unanswerable situations at us , but we always have the power to choose how to respond to it. It has only been on outreach that I have actually acted out on this revelation.
GLAD TO BE HOME.. only 2 weeks and 3 days left of DTS . :(
We went to volunteer in Easter fest last week in Towoomba. With 13 hour shifts a day , no showers, and jet lag ... one word... gruelling.
I'm sleeping nearly all of the time these days... I'm so tired.
I miss my mum and family so much , but I still don't want to go home... ! I don't think i will ever be ready.
Harvey bay next week for debrief!!!
argh x
xxxxx
The transition from Africa to Australia was surprisingly hard for me , I thought I was an adaptable person, clearly not. In Africa, I imagined going back to the base so much that I had created so many expectations in my mind of what things would be like - and of course things were completely different . Two new schools have begun while we was away , so there all staying in our old rooms , sleeping in our beds and eating our food. I'm just slightly territorial and tribal when it comes to my school...oops. Only kidding , the other schools are interesting and we my school is worshiping with them tomorrow night, so it will be cool to minister to them and get to know their hearts.
Firstly: culture shock. Being objectified and looked over and over again with 'have sex with me eyes' for two months really did disturb my mind, to come back in to a western culture and not to be on guard about where I walk or who I smile at, is something I take for granted. It really is a pleasure to smile at a stranger on the road.
I feel completely useless and inattentive being back in Australia with no church to visit daily , or some programme to perform. While in Africa I craved my own freedom to be independent , but now, I am finding it odd to be myself and with so much free time.
The first few days back in OZ, was challenging for me, I was SOOOOO emotionally sporadic, crying all the time and then extremely hyper the next... I think it was just the drastic change from African culture and the bubble of my team with the little connection I had from the outside world.
I miss Africa so much . I miss the Tabernacle of Praise Church , their lifestyle was a personal testimony for me that you do not have to do a DTS or be part of YWAM to be so on fire for God. Their love for God overflows in to their actions, they are so full of life. Its such an inspiring church to be part of , that they are not content with just being comfortable in religion and sitting in church on a Sunday but they want to see God's kingdom come. I will miss the hospitality of Africa , that they will invite you in to their house as if you were their family and feed you till your belly's full. I will miss the children of Leonsdale , who tangled up my hair every time I saw them. I will never forget the love they lavished on me and how I will never understand the impact I had on their lives.
Our debrief in Africa was amazing , we stayed in the artistic little beach town of Muzemburg in a hostel. I am so thankful for my outreach, when remember all the amazing moments I had, and all the miracles that happened, I would not of had it any other way, it was thee most perfect place I could of chosen for outreach. I do not have one single complaint. My leaders were amazing and so much more- the fact that they let us control our own outreach by doing 'BOM' groups was such an opportunity to put our faith in to operation. My favourite part of being in south Africa was the times i watched my friends walk out in who they are in Christ. Each one of them transformed so much , its as if I am meeting them all for them first time. The last night we we decided to worship and we were all going a bit psychotic on the spirit , there was so much faith in the room that we decided to put that to test . So, my leader Nick was explaining to us that once he heard that in a church called bethel in America its pretty famous I think , in one crazy worship session, things started getting random stuff stuck to the walls, like chairs and hammers, we had such an urge of faith come over us, that we craved to see if we could do the same thing so we put a penny up on the wall and we declared as silly as it sounds 'this penny will stick on the wall' and it did , there was no glue NOTHING, we tried it with other money but it did'nt work. SICCCCCCCCCCKKKK. This DOES not mean that we base our faith on miracles, but it also proves that God cannot be put in a box. Its something I am trying to wrap my head around that there is so much happening in the spiritual than I know and that God is bigger than I can ever imagine.
Reuniting with my babies was amazing , I will NEVER forget the moment I saw Claire again it was so breathtaking to see the change in her life shining off her face. Japan and India team were back already , so we were welcomed with lots of excitement and hugs. I LOVE THEM SO FREAKIN MUCH.
I believe my most significant revelation in my life was, knowing that I always have the choice.
CHOICE.
Its amazing - we are freely given it in every moment, every circumstance, every day. I had the choice on outreach to walk out in my flesh , tiredness, complaining, frustration, nostalgia, or I could walk out in my spirit , beautiful, powerful, strong. The world throws painful sometimes unanswerable situations at us , but we always have the power to choose how to respond to it. It has only been on outreach that I have actually acted out on this revelation.
GLAD TO BE HOME.. only 2 weeks and 3 days left of DTS . :(
We went to volunteer in Easter fest last week in Towoomba. With 13 hour shifts a day , no showers, and jet lag ... one word... gruelling.
I'm sleeping nearly all of the time these days... I'm so tired.
I miss my mum and family so much , but I still don't want to go home... ! I don't think i will ever be ready.
Harvey bay next week for debrief!!!
argh x
xxxxx
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